Thursday, March 22, 2012

Innocence Returns



It's interesting to me how the soft underbelly of those we love comes forth most profoundly in their birth & then in their passing.

I stood by my father's hospital bed the other night after our 'last' meal together of salmon, baked potato, green beans & fruit crisp, which he had gobbled down with gusto. He then motioned for me to lean down closer & closer until he could peck me on the cheek. I then kissed him on his head & he thanked me, as he had thanked Moe, the big black guy who turned him like a steak & the nurses who shifted his pillows or brought him ice. Chivalry until the end.

For all intents & purposes my father is mostly gone now, even as he lays in twilight in a nursing home on morphine drip. I wish he didn't have to lose his faculties or experience the shutting down of time & space & his organs. Somehow a head on instant car crash feels more humane. I don't want to make the drive again tomorrow to witness a disappearing shriveled shell that is no longer him, although at the same time I wish I was there holding his hand right now so he was not braving this journey alone.

I believe his soul is slowly arching away from the constraints of earthly plane. How strange though it seems that one so wearily encased can rally for that final flight! God Speed, Daddy Dear xo
                                                       



5 comments:

  1. Oh Diane this is such a bittersweet story. You do look like him you know. I am sure once he has traveled to the other side he will be watching over you.

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  2. Thanks for sharing this Diane, and your father. We will be thinking of you and him through this time. And maybe see you on that Ferry as we head across the water these next few days.
    With love, Lisa and Pat

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    1. vanita omung kumarMarch 23, 2012 at 9:31 AM

      This is so touching Diane, my dad was my best friend , and after i lost him , i prefer to remember the Good times we spent together, so i always feel i have not lost him , hes with me seeing over whatever i do, I think of him when i go to sleep and say my Goodnight to him each day , and a good morning, Parents are special , and they are always with you , no matter what,
      Your dad is Blessed to have a thoughtful daughter like you , and he knows it for sure...

      Love and hugs Diane,
      Vanita (INDIA)

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  3. Yes, Diane, just as Vanita, I, too, remember the fun times and special things that my dad and I shared. It was so hard to see him shutting down and heading towards death, and to lose him at the end. He was so wonderful, and none could take his place! As you go through this time of loss, start to write down the uniqueness of your dad -- his favorite things, his favorite sayings, the funny things that he would say and do, the special times that you had with each other, all the things that you can remember about him. When he passes, these words, on paper, will bring you great comfort as your memories bring him back to you. Your memories will keep him close to you and you will never feel alone, you will see and feel him near you as you live on, now. I pray that your heart will be lightened. Delores

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  4. I am so sorry for your loss Dianne. It's so hard to loose the ones you love. I lost my real father at the age of 4 and my step dad almost 5 years ago. The memories is all we have left but what great memories come back, once your celebrating a life. He is going to be watching over you now, in a better place. I send hugs to you big ones. I will see you soon!!

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