Thursday, October 27, 2011


No, this post isn't about Halloween. : /

I was talking to a friend about a situation where she feels like someone else has control over her life & another friend who is trying to have control over someone else's life. This is what I shared with both of them.

I used to have this dream ALL the time when I was a kid. I don't think my parents realized the Evening News 'body count' coming out of the Vietnam War every night was having such an effect on me.

Anyway, the dream was of me running through some rice paddies, in the front door of a shack, out the back door, in the back door of the next & down the line of shacks, with an Asian man following me with a machine gun. When I got to the last shack, there was no back door & I was left cowering in the corner as he came in the front door & pointed his gun at me. Then I would wake up. It was absolutely terrifying.

I had the dream frequently from about age 10 until I was around 30. I was facilitating a workshop at one time about working through dreams using Drama Therapy. We were reenacting our dreams as a partner witnessed us & my partner made a very simple, yet profound suggestion to me when I was through. He told me to reenact the dream again, but this time instead of being the victim, become the guy with the machine gun. In other words, CHANGE MY PERSPECTIVE. I never had the dream again.

The friend who wanted to write a letter to change someone else's behavior? I told her to go ahead & write the letter, but to write it for HERSELF, meaning, that as long as she was writing the letter without ANY EXPECTATION of a reaction or outcome that involved the other person & she was writing it because there was something she needed to express for HERSELF to make HERSELF feel better, that was fine. In fact, expressing her rage, disappointment, sadness or whatever was a good thing & she might not even need to send it after she was through.

We all know there is absolutely NO WAY we're going to change someone. We CAN however work through our feelings by writing them out OR through drama, art, music or whatever works for us. Ultimately, forgiveness & letting go is the only thing that REALLY works, but we each have to find our own way to get there, in our time. 

Monday, October 24, 2011

My Mary Miracles

Donna, my dear friend, sent me this little Mary, some crystals & a pocket Rosary a while ago & did I need it! I'm a firm believer some items don't sell on Etsy because they are meant for someone special. Donna & I know this, so I got her Mary brooch & she got my Bamboo cross, which she painted the perfect colors for her & put in her lovely kitchen.

Anyway, at the beginning of this month I was SO broke I was just plain scared & tied up in knots. I had just paid off the rest of my September rent plus overdue bills that couldn't wait & there was nothing left. Then I went to my lawyer, (he's representing me in a lawsuit from a job I was illegally laid off from 2 years ago), & his $400 consult fee check bounced before I could get ANOTHER loan from my parents in to the bank. I was beyond embarrassed.

When I got home from meeting him, I randomly applied for ANOTHER teaching job I assumed I wouldn't get & that night I literally got down on my knees & cried, "MARY! PLEASE! I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE! I NEED HELP! PLEEEAAAAASSSSEE!"

Things slowly started to change. I felt a loosening of my 'anger grip' on the old college & received an e-mail from the one where I had applied, asking me to meet with them. Then sales on Etsy & Amazon started picking up, fast. I drove to the interview & although I nearly blew a worn tire right off its rim on the way, I still made it on time & the friendly woman I met with pretty much told me our meeting was just a formality & she would ask the Dean to sign off on my application!

AND as of today, I have sold over $800 worth of art, supplies & books on Etsy & Amazon & the month 'ain't' even over yet! : >

Forgiveness. Piety. Strength. One foot in front of the other. Prayer. MARY. THANK YOU!! xoxoxo

Friday, October 21, 2011

MY Life Could Be Movie! : /

Indie Comedy, Drama, Soap Opera..... you name it; GOT IT HERE!

And that's just one week! Started out completely stressed & sleep deprived on Monday; hadn't paid my rent yet this month, sales were slumped on Etsy. Tuesday, slightly MORE sleep deprived & nervous about first faculty job interview I'd had in a year since being laid off; took the half hour ferry ride on a gloriously sunny day, got off & blew out a tire almost off the rim a few miles down the road. Luckily I was in front of a farmhouse & an old guy helped me change it & I got to the interview with minutes to spare. Looks like I have the job, YEAH; get home & find I need 2 tires & an alignment for $268! EEK! Now I have to find MORE $$! Tell my dad I'm quitting my old job to get at my pension so I can pay basic living expenses; he offers to send money, YEAH; & what's this?! TWELVE SALES on Etsy & Amazon this WEEK! Hmmm; things are LOOKING UP! : >

Today, Friday, I am just HEARTBROKEN again. A developmentally disabled girl, originally from Port Angeles, which is about an hour away from here, was murdered this week. She was 24, with the capacity of a 12 year old & a 'family friend' of the 22 year old kid who killed her & his girlfriend who helped him to cover it up.  I don't blame the parents, OF COURSE, but I am having doubts that she should have been allowed to travel from her new home to Port Angeles to visit & back again on a bus. I don't know the answer to this level of independence for this girl. My son who is 12, but  developmentally around the age of 7 to 9, just got an ankle GPS monitor this week in case he gets lost & the police have to find him. Of course we never DREAM that someone who is so trusting would ever NEED this, but thank God he has it.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

"Ia Orana Maria" (Ave Maria) Assemblage

Living in Mataiea Village in Tahiti, Gaugin painted "Ia Orana Maria" (Ave Maria) and other depictions of Tahitian life. His works of that period are full of quasi-religious symbolism & an exoticized view of the inhabitants of Polynesia. In Polynesia, he sided with the native peoples, clashing often with the colonial authorities and with the Catholic Church.

The Idea Behind This Work is Even as Gaugin Lived a Questionable Life Exploiting Women & Alcohol, He Remained Capable of Creating Extraordinary Spiritually Minded Outsider Art for the time & Defending the People He Painted.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

I wrote a blog post earlier about putting myself through college using the first MAC, affectionately pictured above. Steve Jobs passed away at age 56 today, just 3 years older then me. As a tribute, I'm putting a link here to a Commencement Address he gave over 5 years ago. It's surprising & inspiring! 


Monday, October 3, 2011

Sally Potter: Movie Director

I just watched The Man Who Cried by Sally Potter & was reintroduced to another favorite director, Sally Potter. She is most famous for her movie Orlando, but also directed other favorites like YES & The Tango Lesson. The clip above features her in the lead role, directing herself. So far, I have loved ALL of her films.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Is Graffiti Art?

"Art on the streets of Buenos Aires is generally very well received by neighbors who often give their walls for artistic intervention. Artists get to share their art with the right audience with the true intention of beautifying & recycling the great potential of abandoned & disused walls that would otherwise fall into the hands of ugly political graffiti or advertising pamphlets that pollute visually."

The Shot Seen Round the World

Age 12
Age 30